There may be a lot of problems in the country and the world, but none worse than the absence of mince pie on Thanksgiving holiday. I find this to be a very serious problem, and one that has only worsen in recent years. I can remember since I was knee-high to a grasshopper enjoying mince pie during the holidays–both Thanksgiving and Christmas–and my mother baking two or three mince pies in addition to the usual fare of pumpkin, apple, cheery, and the ever quintessential peach cobbler pies. However, to me, all these pies are passe and non sequitur. That’s right, non sequitur, I tell you! Compared to the divine deliciousness of mince pie.
Look, here in southern California we have Von’s, Alph-Beta, Ralph’s, Jon’s, Albertson’s, Safeway, and a slew of other popular grocery stores all filled to the ceiling with every kind of pie a pie nut can gobble on. But no mince. Why? I demand to know why, and I demand restitution for this culinary misery I have suffered now for the third year in a row spending the holidays bereft of mince pie. Ya hear what I’m saying?
Traditionally, a mince pie is filled with fruit mincemeat, which is called fruitmince. Fruitmince consists of dried fruit (usually raisins, currants, apricots, cherries, peaches, and candied peels), spices (nutmeg or cinnamon), nuts (almonds or walnuts), and suet and alcohol (rum or brandy). The pie is baked and then dusted with powder sugar or icing sugar. Then you grab a fork and dig in and bask and pig-out in sheer pastry-eating delight!
However, I’ve been all over southern Cailfornia to all the above-mentioned supermarkets and every other place where a pie of any kind is sold. And guess what? No mince pie. Anywhere. And I’m not happy, I’m telling ya. And the world has one month to fix this cosmic problem or I’m going to be really, really unhappy when Christmas comes. And the only thing worse than a unhappy poet on these year-end holidays is an unwined minstrel on a weekend cruise ship!
I want my mince pie. And soon, oh cruel, heartless, pieless world. Enough pumpkin, bring on the mince!