Learn To Trust Your Husband!

To all you wives out there, make sure you read this joke and take it to heart.  To all you husbands out there, make sure you read it too and your wives definitely read it and take it to heart!

 

Learn To Trust Your Husband!
 
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband, for example…

A wife comes home late one night, arriving early from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

“Hi Darling”, he says. “Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom.”

 

A LIFETIME…

I think love is always brave and full of strength.  Or at least it should be.  And I’m talking about real love here and not the flimsy, fakey, flakey kind.  I could go on and on espousing romantic optimism, and say so much more.  And actually, I already have, in a poem…which of course I have to subject you to herewith.  And it is, of course, a romantic optimism kind of poem.  I mean, I can’t help being me anymore than you can help being you.  Right?  So try to enjoy it if you can.  And be romantically optimistic…however long you dare to!  :–)

 

 

A LIFETIME 

 

Oh, how have you been and where did you go?
It seems a lifetime that I have missed you.
For why did you leave, I will never know;
It seems a lifetime since I last kissed you!
 
Yes, life can be harsh and turn against you
When fear is all you have to help you cope.
Still, how is it I never convinced you
That love is always good and full of hope?
 
Doesn’t matter what the past may have told you,
Nor why we failed and when our hearts fell off track,
My arms are wide open and long to hold you,
Besides, I never left–and you’ve now come back!
 
So there’s no need to let the past stand in our way:
I’ve known all along you needed me to miss you.
Besides, what’s a few hours or years in a day
When you’ve waited a lifetime for me to kiss you?
 
We should have known the future would not forsake us,
And eternity would be ours despite its length.
Why fear the past or where a lifetime may take us!
Don’t you know love is always brave and full of strength?


 

S E C R E T A D M I R E R

When it comes to writing fiction–which I simply do not write enough of–I believe in the “romantic ideal.”  Be it a screenplay, stage play, short story, or novel, the romantic ideal is about telling a story that has a happy ending.  One phrase that really describes the romantic ideal is this one: “They lived happily ever after.”  “Good always triumphs over evil” is another phrase I think describes the romantic ideal.

And this is the way it should be, because this is what everyone in life wants most of all.  Love and happiness.  And the triumph of goodness in life.  If you don’t, then you really shouldn’t be reading my blog.  You should probably segue over to any Ernest Hemingway or John Steinbeck wannabe’s website and roost there.  But not here.  Here, you will find predominately mushy love and happiness and goodness stuff.  In fact, herewith is a short story I wrote that totally embodies the romantic ideal.  It’s called “Secret Admirer.”  And if you’re a secret or public admirer of the romantic ideal, rest assured, you are at the right blog.

” S E C R E T   A D M I R E R ”

“Is it you? My secret admirer?” the faint voice whispered.

“My God! Emily! You’ve regained consciousness and come back! It’s…it’s a miracle!”

It felt kind of foolish saying this, but what other words were there in such a moment? My God, I thought. Five years! Five long years of waiting and praying for a miracle. For prayers were answered sometimes, were they not? And if this was not a miracle, then what could it possibly be?

I quickly stood up and looked outside the cubical to see if Emily’s parents were nearby. They had left their daughter’s curtained room a few moments earlier before I began reading poetry to her–an activity I enjoyed doing during each of my visits. But this time, only a few minutes of reading had elapsed when Emily had suddenly awakened and spoke for the first time in five years.

“Is it you?” she asked again. Her eyes were now wide open and gazing at me. Also for the first time in five years. I had not found Emily’s parents in the corridor outside, so I immediately returned to sit beside Emily’s bed.

We had been regular visitors, Emily’s parents and I. And the three of us came twice a week to talk, read and pray to the comatose figure that lay upon the hospital bed– unresponsive and seemingly unaware of our attentions. But somehow we managed to maintain faith and never give up hope, all the while believing that she would one day recover from her coma.

Five years earlier, Emily had been the innocent victim of an automobile accident, resulting in the death of the other driver and minor injuries to passengers in both cars. Strangely enough, and since we shared residence in a small Boston subhurb, I was only a few blocks away when the accident occurred. Amazingly, it was I who first arrived at the scene only moments after the accident occurred, and because of this I was able to pull her from her car which had burst into flames seconds after impact.

Superficially, she had only suffered some minor cuts and abrasions. But a head injury had left her unconscious the moment I found and removed her from the burning vehicle. The doctors, of course, were unable to revive her, and could not explain if her tragic condition was the sole cause of physical or emotional trauma. Their prognosis was simple: either she would at some sudden moment regain consciousness, or remain in a coma and on life-support, perhaps for the rest of her life.

And yes, even after five years, we kept faith. Of course there were friends and other admirers from the neighborhood and her school who initially came to visit and share their prayers with us.

But time can surely try one’s loyalty and test one’s faith. So after the first year, visitors came less and less to visit Emily and pray at her bedside. And for a while, the few who continued to come, came only to offer respects or to offer moral support to Emily’s parents. Their diminishing visits and the dreary passage of time seemed only to strengthen my faith and resolve I knew I would always possess. But I wasn’t judgmental nor thought I was a better person for having kept faith longer. What was important was knowing that my feelings for Emily had not and would not diminish. And no matter what, I knew I would always remain Emily’s secret admirer. Though this was a secret only her parents and I shared.

“It is you, isn’t it?” she softly asked. Her eyes found me seated near the bed. I immediately moved my chair closer and clasped her hand in mind.

“Yes, it’s me. How…how are you feeling?” I didn’t know what else to say at this moment. I was still in shock! It was unbelievable and more than the strongest faith could have ever expected.

The two of us had never spoken to each other before the accident and at the time I was but a stranger to her, in the neighborhood and at school. To me though, and the very moment I first laid eyes upon her, I fell in love with her and knew I could never love another.

“What is this place? Where am I?”

“Don’t you know? Don’t you remember what happened?” I cautiously asked. She appeared revitalized and like one who had just awakened from a good night’s sleep. Inexplicably, she looked as young and beautiful as the first time I saw her–neither aged by time nor physically altered in any manner by her long illness.

“What’s wrong? You’re…you’re crying,” she observed.

“Emily, you’ve been asleep…in a coma…for…for…”

“I know,” she said gently, placing her hand upon mine once more. “I remember now… everything. The accident…it was a…”

“Don’t think of it.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m not afraid. I’m all right now.”

At that moment, Emily’s parents came back into the room. They stopped, and quietly closed the curtains behind them. Expressions of wild surprise and unexpected joy filled their faces; and exultant tears fell from their eyes. The cubical was dark and Emily did not see them enter; so she did not know that while she and I continued our conversation, her parents stood silently at the entrance and would wait until our special moment was past and theirs would begin.

Suddenly, Emily stared into my eyes–as if recognizing an old friend for the first time.  “It was you all those times…reading to me, talking to me and giving me strength? It was you and Mom and Dad.”

“Yes.”

“I know who you are. You’re the one who’s always telling stories and reading poetry to me. The one who kept praying for me to come back. You’re… you’re my secret admirer, aren’t you? I remember hearing you say it.”

“Yes, that’s me. But foremost…your friend.”

“So, I am not alone. I was never alone, was I?” she whispered.

“No. You were never alone.” I replied.

“Thank you. Thank you, so very much. Oh, I have waited so long to see you. For so long I have heard you talk to me and read to me and tell me how much you loved me. It was this devotion, this loyalty, this…this love which gave me the strength and courage to return to life. And all the same I have learned to feel for you was also enough to bring me back. So that now, finally, I could tell you.”

“For five years, dear Emily. For five, long years, we have waited,” I said.

“Yes. For five, long years I have been here in a coma, but always hearing you read and pray to me and…and remaining my secret admirer. For five, long years I have felt your presence…while drawing strength from your faith. And all this time you have been in my dreams. All this time I’ve been waiting to finally awake and…and be with you!”

“This is all I’ve ever hoped for, Emily,” I cried.

She smiled, and continued: “Well, just as you have confided in me, you should know that from the very beginning when I first heard your sweet voice and right up to this very moment as I now see you for the first time, that you’ve always had a secret admirer of your own!”

Beautiful Disaster

Some of you may know who Kelly Clarkson is (of American Idol fame).  Here’s my favorite song by her.  It has depth, melody, pathos, emotion, and hope.  So I hope you enjoy it too.
 
Singing along is, of course, allowed and even encouraged! 
 
LISTEN TO SONG:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDyZCg-mdgU&feature=related

Some Humor For This Monday!

I see no better way to start off a Monday than with some good humor to get everyone into a funny, cheerful state of mind.  So here is a queue of jokes recently posted in my weekly publication, the POET’S DAY Newsletter.  Hope these put a smile on your face and get you started on the right foot today!

THIS WEEK’S SALACIOUS BAR JOKES 

Where I’ve Been

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.  Apparently, you can’t go alone.  You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito.  I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane.  They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!  It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!  At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don’t remember what country I was in.

It’s an age thing.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART!  Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year.  You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person.  My job is done!  Life is too short for negative drama & petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!   From one unstable person to another.  I hope everyone is happy in your head–we’re all doing pretty good in mine!

Pun Intended!

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”, they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is called “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family inSpain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ….what? A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. 

Only in America

1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America……do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America……do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America…..do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

10. Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

BROKEN HEARTS AND LOST SOULS

The old adage “Two heads are better than one” I think has a lot of truth to it, or at least logic.  I think this same notion can apply to the heart as well.  Here is a poem I wrote that goes into emotional detail about this very notion or idea.  Even if you disagree with the idea, I hope you enjoy the poem!

BROKEN HEARTS AND LOST SOULS
 
There is no bitterness too great to heal,
What one word of kindness often consoles.
Still, I know the bitterness that you feel,
In this world of broken hearts and lost souls.
 
Oh, I am one of them as much as you,
Whose life seems cast from a dark-clouded birth.
For we cannot prove what we know is true,
That we were born to walk this pain-filled earth!
 
I only see what I have always seen,
And only know what I have always known:
There must be something more our lives to mean
Than to wander it…forever alone.
 
I look upon your face and see a smile,
And know that not all is lost entirely.
For have we not been waiting here a while,
As the broken shore awaits the slow sea?
 
Yet even the sea throws its driftwood back,
Like desolate skies do a falling star.
So perhaps no life is so bleak and black
That hope cannot save us from what we are!
 
Might it be better if we joined forces?
I hear hope is good–and love is great, too!
Perhaps if we combined our resources,
Happiness might be something we can do.
 
So…even if we can’t have forever,
And hope is the only word that consoles,
Aren’t two broken hearts better together
Than wandering through life as two lost souls?

Generating Lists From Facebook – Part Two

Continuing my discourse about generating lists from Facebook, I hope the following is helpful to you:

THE FINAL AND MOST IMPORTANT STEP TO ADVERTISING ON FACEBOOK!
 
And indeed, this is so easy to explain and tell you that yes, someone please wake me!  It is: Now advertise your online business on Facebook.  Ridiculous, isn’t it, how sleepingly easy the whole thing is?  Okay, okay, let me state the details of advertising on Facebook.  Forgive me!
 
Facebook has what they call the NEWS FEED.  It’s a window to comment or type a message located at the top of your profile page.  When you type a message inside this window and hit SEND, your message goes to your entire network of friends for them to see and read.  Or you can send your message to a select group or list of networked friends, if you want.  Either way, you can instantly reach literally thousands of people instantly and simultaneously by creating a short message in the NEWS FEED window and hitting SEND to immediately send it out to your network.  You can also post a message and send to your network by posting on your WALL in your Facebook profile. 
 
KEEP YOUR MARKETING AD SHORT AND SWEET!
 
And short message is key here.  For Facebook only allows a certain number of character spaces to be typed as a message in the NEWS FEED window to send out at one time.  However, this is easy to bypass: You can write a longer message–YOUR SALES AD–and send it out through two or three or more NEWS FEED windows so you can get your entire advertisement to everyone. 
 
But I recommend creating a short ad and sending the entirety of it in one NEWS FEED window.  People seem to worship succinctness and very short messages on Facebook and are not inclined to read long messages or ads.  So I highly recommend keeping your messages and marketing ads short enough to fit into one NEWS FEED delivery and not subjecting network friends to long messages which they may ignore or delete from their profile page when your message arrives.  
 
MAKE THIS YOUR FACEBOOK SUCCESS STORY!

I have a friend who now has almost 5,000 people in his Facebook network.  He keeps adding more friends to his network every day.  He’s ridiculous, actually, but a shrewd businessman, I daresay.  He’s written a book.  He wrote it almost two years ago.  Yet he keeps selling 10 or more copies of it everyday.  On Facebook.  Cause he keeps adding people to his network, keeps generating new lists of customers to advertise and sell his book to, and is quite content to earn $200.00 per day doing this (his book sells for about twenty bucks!).  That’s $1,400.00 a week he’s earning, people.  Imagine what you can earn if you start advertising and marketing your business or book or product or service on Facebook and have lots of books and other products to sell there.  The ramifications are seriously upsetting! lol

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