CARDSTACKING!

Bryan Berg is a professional “cardstacker” who builds houses of cards on a very large scale. Trained as an architect, Bryan Berg is the only known person to make a living building structures with freestanding playing cards. He uses no tape, glue, or tricks; and his method has been tested to support 660 pounds per square foot. Berg has stacked cards for corporate special events, public relations campaigns, and science and children’s museums in many U.S. cities, Canada, Europe, and Asia. Berg’s clients have included Walt Disney World, a Lexus commercial, Procter & Gamble, American major league baseball and hockey, and the San Francisco Opera, among others. He also participated in a music video by The Bravery, playing a lonely man who builds a fantasy world out of cards. In 2004, Guinness created a record category for World’s Largest House of Freestanding Playing Cards to recognize a project Berg built for Walt Disney World, a replica of Cinderella’s Castle. (6th photo down) In 2010, the record was renewed by himself using 4051 sets of cards, over 218,000 cards, and built in 44 days, a replica of the Venetian Macao. Talk about a Steady Hand!?!?!

THIS WEEK’S BAR QUOTES – (from 06-05-09)

This wild, woolly group of bar quotes is ours for the enjoying this profound week. And don’t anybody forget it! lol

Patrick The Poet

THIS WEEK’S BAR QUOTES – (from 06-05-09)

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
–Author Unknown

Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.
–Robert Orben

You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.
–George Lorimer

Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, ‘I’ll be nice, and maybe she will feed me twice?
–Bette Midler

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.
–Paula Poundstone

If a man acts in a mechanical way, reacting to external demands or instruction rather than in ways determined by his own interests and energies and power, we may admire what he does but we despise what he is.
–Wlhelm von Humboldt

It’s a very good historical book about history.
–Dan Quayle

With this book, I truly hope to reach everyone that I don’t bump into on the street and share my story.
–Teri Hatcher

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.
–Anne Morrow Lindbergh

If you concentrate on the present, you eliminate what happened yesterday and any apprehension of what may happen tomorrow.
–Denis Waitley

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
–Walt Disney (1901-1966)

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
–Mae West (1892-1980)

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
–Gail Godwin

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
–Henry Kissinger (1923-)

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
–Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)

You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty.
–Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)

THIS WEEK’S BAR QUOTES – (from 04-30-09)

What a despondent group of disparate bar quotes we have for this sagacious POET’S DAY!
Enjoy!!

Patrick The Poet

THIS WEEK’S BAR QUOTES – (from 04-30-09)

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
–William James

I will prepare myself and some day my chance will come.
–Abraham Lincoln

Perpetual peace is a futile dream.
–General George S. Patton, Jr.

We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the active voice – that is, until we have stopped saying ‘It got lost,’ and say, ‘I lost it.’

–Sydney J. Harris, journalist (1917-1986)

Stay drunk on writing so reality doesn’t destroy you.
–Ray Bradbury

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.
–Lucille Ball

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.
–Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Character is what emerges from all the little things you were too busy to do yesterday, but did anyway.
–Mignon McLaughlin

Brick walls are there for a reason. They give us a chance to show how badly we want something.
–Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction.  By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.
–Mark Twain

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
–W.B. Prescott

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
–John von Neumann (1903-1957)

The mistakes are all waiting to be made.
–chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the game’s opening position

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
–Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

Grove giveth and Gates taketh away.
–Bob Metcalfe (inventor of Ethernet) on the trend of hardware speedups not being able to keep up with software demands

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
–Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

What does one TRILLION dollars look like?

All this talk the past several years about “stimulus packages” and “bailouts”…

A billion dollars…

A hundred billion dollars…

Eight hundred billion dollars…

One TRILLION dollars…

What does that look like? I mean, these various numbers are tossed around like so many doggie treats, so I thought I’d take Google Sketchup out for a test drive and try to get a sense of what exactly a trillion dollars looks like.

We’ll start with a $100 dollar bill. Currently the largest U.S. denomination in general circulation. Most everyone has seen them, slighty fewer have owned them. Guaranteed to make friends wherever they go.

A packet of one hundred $100 bills is less than 1/2″ thick and contains $10,000. Fits in your pocket easily and is more than enough for week or two of shamefully decadent fun.

Believe it or not, this next little pile is $1 million dollars (100 packets of $10,000). You could stuff that into a grocery bag and walk around with it.

While a measly $1 million looked a little unimpressive, $100 million is a little more respectable. It fits neatly on a standard pallet…

And $1 BILLION dollars… now we’re really getting somewhere…

Next we’ll look at ONE TRILLION dollars. This is that number we’ve been hearing so much about. What is a trillion dollars? Well, it’s a million million. It’s a thousand billion. It’s a one followed by 12 zeros.

You ready for this?

It’s pretty surprising.

Go ahead…

Scroll down…

Ladies and gentlemen… I give you $1 trillion dollars…

Notice those pallets are double stacked.
…and remember those are $100 bills!

So the next time you hear someone toss around the phrase “trillion dollars”… that’s what they’re talking about.

I NEED WATER!

If you’re half asleep at this moment, this joke will jolt you awake, I promise!

Patrick The Poet

 

A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out. The parched wanderer asked, “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?” The man replied, “I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with your clothes.” The desperate man shouted, “I don’t want a tie, you idiot, I need water!” “OK, don’t buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they’ll give you all the water you want.” The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned. The man at the card table said, “I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?” “I found it all right. But they wouldn’t let me in without a tie!”

Some Humor For This Monday!

I see no better way to start off a Monday than with some good humor to get everyone into a funny, cheerful state of mind.  So here is a queue of jokes recently posted in my weekly publication, the POET’S DAY Newsletter.  Hope these put a smile on your face and get you started on the right foot today!

THIS WEEK’S SALACIOUS BAR JOKES 

Where I’ve Been

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.  Apparently, you can’t go alone.  You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito.  I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane.  They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!  It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!  At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don’t remember what country I was in.

It’s an age thing.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART!  Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year.  You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person.  My job is done!  Life is too short for negative drama & petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!   From one unstable person to another.  I hope everyone is happy in your head–we’re all doing pretty good in mine!

Pun Intended!

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”, they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is called “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family inSpain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ….what? A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. 

Only in America

1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America……do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America……do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America…..do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

10. Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.