CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES

Here’s how one individual found calmness in her life!

CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, ‘The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.’ So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how good I feel right now. 

Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

The Retailer

Isn’t it fun to be able to visit this place called the Internet and then be able to read  fun, funny, feel-good blurbs like this?  And I don’t even charge for this sagaciously jocular service! 
 
Enjoy.
 
Patrick The Poet

 
Subject: De Stress!!
 
 
;  
 
 
scroll down to see this…read below….
 

A
strawberry blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tailof her cat which was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART!

Why WAL-MART??

HELLOOOOOOOOO!

WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!
       

 

TO ALL OUR ‘NUTTY’ FRIENDS….

Have a fabulous STRESS-FREE day!!!!

 

Special Thoughts

Here’s some funny humor to go with some entertaining pics.  Enjoy!

Subject: Special thoughts
 
 
 

Thoughts for Today

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
   

Zen Sarcasm

Tomorrow’s POET’S Day.  Don’t forget to celebrate.  Just keep the Frost and Byron recitations down to a low roar!  Thank you.  Meanwhile, I trust everyone will enjoy these wise profundities!
 
Patrick The Poet
  

Zen Sarcasm

 

1. Do not walk behind me, for I

may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may
 
notfollow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty
 
much leave me alone.

 
2. The journey of a thousandmiles
 
begins with a broken fan belt or a
 
leaky tire.

 
3. It’s always darkest beforedawn , so if you’re going
 
to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to
 
do it.

 
4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you
 
can’t be promoted.

 
5. Always remember that you’re
 
unique. Just like everyone else.

 
6. Never test the depth of the water
 
with both feet.

 
7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try
 
missing a couple of car payments.

 
8. Before you criticize someone, you
 
should walk a mile in their shoes.
 
That way, when you criticizethem,
 
you’re a mile away and you have
 
their shoes.

 
9. If at first you don’t succeed….,
skydiving is not for you.
 
 
 
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat
 
for a day. Teach him how to fish,
 
and he will sit in a boat and drink
 
beer all day.

 
11. If you tell the truth, you don’t
 
have to remember anything.

 
12. Some days you’re the bug, some
 
days you’re the windshield.

 
13. Everyone seems normal until you
 
get to know them.

 
14. The quickest way to double your
 
money is to fold it in half and put
 
it back in your pocket.

 
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 
16. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It
 
has a light side and a dark side,
 
and it holds the universe together.

 
17. There are two theories to arguing
 
with a woman – Neither one works.

 
18. Generally speaking, you aren’t
 
learning much when your lips are
 
moving.

 
19. Experience is something you don’t
 
get until just after you need it.


20. Never, under any circumstances,take a sleeping
 
pill and a laxative.

ELEVEN PEOPLE ON A ROPE

For eons men have thought they run the world.  We know better, yes? lol
 
Whatever you believe, enjoy this funny blurb!
 
Patrick The Poet
 

 

ELEVEN PEOPLE ON A ROPE

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a  helicopter.  10 men and  1 woman.

The rope  was not strong enough to carry them all, so  they decided that one had to leave, because  otherwise they were all going to fall.

They  weren’t able to choose that person,until  the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said  that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,  as a woman,  she was used to giving up everything for her husband and  kids or for men in general, and was used to  always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as  she finished her speech, all the men  started clapping…

 
SHARE THIS  POST WITH AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN, SO THAT SHE  HAS SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT TODAY!! (AND SEND TO A FEW MEN WITH A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR!!!)

Getting A Date With The Cute Poodle!

That Taco Bell dog is my hero! lol

Patrick The Poet

 

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, ‘The first one who can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.’

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, ‘I love liver and cheese.’

‘Oh, how childish,’ said the Poodle. ‘That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.’

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says ‘How well can you do?’

‘Um. I HATE liver and cheese,’ blurts the Golden Retriever.

‘My, my,’ said the Poodle. ‘I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.’

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, ‘How about you, little guy?’

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell/Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says….   




Liver alone. Cheese mine!

THIS WEEK’S BAR QUOTES (from 07-25-08)

Some very sagacious bar quotes here this fine Monday for everyone’s sagacious reading pleasure!

Patrick The Poet

 

THIS WEEK’S BAR QUOTES (from 07-25-08)

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
–H. H. Munro ‘Saki’ (1870-1916)

A man’s dreams are an index to his greatness.
–Zadok Rabinwitz

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
–Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
–George S. Patton, General (1885-1945)

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.
–David Brinkley

Nothing in life gives a man so much courage as the attainment or renewal of the conviction that other people regard him with favor; because it means that everyone joins to give him help and protection, which is an infinitely stronger bulwark against the ills of life than anything he can do himself.
–Arthur Schopenhauer

Like stones, words are laborious and unforgiving, and the fitting of them together, like the fitting of stones, demands great patience and strength of purpose and particular skill.
–Edmund Morrison

Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
–Albert Einstein

You may not remember what someone says or does, but you’ll never forget how they made you feel.
–Author unknown

If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world, and that his heart is no island cut off from other lands, but a continent that joins to them.
–Francis Bacon, “Essays, Of Goodness and Goodness of Nature”, 1625

The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by obvious realities. We need men and women who can dream of things that never were.
–John F. Kennedy

If you think about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience.
–Edward Rickenbacker

Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.
–Stephen King

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.
–Marie Curie

There is just one way to bring up a child in the way he should go and that is to travel that way yourself.
–Abraham Lincoln

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